Chelsea are the best team in the world again. It’s pretty much official. Two weeks ago they were in crisis but now they are the most successful current English side, on the cusp of Champions League and FA Cup glory. They don’t need Pep Guardiola because they have their own, nearly as good looking, ‘geek chic’ version in Roberto Di Matteo. If only Roman Abramovich could calm his trigger finger for a year he might actually have some success again. But we all know that good old Roman isn’t happy unless he is spending too much money. Unfortunately RDM would cost far too little to employ and wouldn’t even require a transfer fee so, for this reason, Roman is out. It would possibly tarnish his reputation beyond repair to get someone that could be deemed ‘cheapish’ or ‘good value’. Dirty words. The ultimate goal now for RA is to sack someone before they have actually started on the grounds that they couldn’t get the best out of Fernando Torres. Not until then will he have complete peace.
Torres meanwhile, looks ever more like he has been strapped to a chair for 2 weeks, Clockwork Orange style, and forced to watch ‘ A million and one great misses’ followed by ‘oh no, not another million and one great misses’, whilst listening to the sound track of Mama Mia on loop with the volume turned up to 11. He’s making Didier Drogba look like a 23 year old Pele at the moment. But you do have to feel sorry for the £180,000 a weeker who has to run around an entire football pitch a few times a week – The horror. The horror….the ….horror.
From your Drogbas to your Pogbas, Manchester United seem to be on the cusp of losing/keeping the young Frenchman again. Noone knows what is going on, least of all the player himself. He has reportedly been seen looking at property in Milanchester but these stories are unconfirmed. Manchester United, by the way, are still rubbish after a second leg defeat against Bilbao that was even more emphatic than the first. Was this team really in the Champions League Final last May or was I watching some kind of Glazer conceived docudrama which was particularly well enacted and showed what could happen if the Americans are allowed to continue their liquidation sorry ownership of the club?
Let us stop debating about what United need to do in order to get back to the top. The answer is obvious. They just need to buy Iraizo, Aurtenetxe, Amorebieta, Iraola, Iturraspe, Susaeta, Herrera Ander, Javi Martinez, Llorente, De Marcos and Muniain and they will win everything for the next 10 years. After they find a good Scottish to Spanish translator anyway.
Manchester City are also rubbish and can’t even beat a second tier Portuguese side over two legs despite paying the absent Carlos Tevez’ thumb more than is paid to the entire Sporting Lisbon squad. It again goes to show that money doesn’t necessarily buy success in football. So why the hell bother? Surely a yacht the size of Andorra (that doesn’t bugger off home to Argentina when you don’t sail it for a week) adorned with gorgeous women, falling over themselves to nibble your ear with just the right amount of tongue and tell you they love you more than the others, would be far more gratifying?
