It’s clear to see then that Barcelona are now in terminal decline. Apart from Fabregas, Xavi, Iniesta, Sanchez, Pedro, Cuenca, Alves, Thiago, Villa, Afellay and Keirrison they have absolutely no creativity. They can barely string 100 passes together and rely far too heavily on Leo Messi, who himself may well be past it. Most clubs in Europe wouldn’t look twice at him after that performance against Chelsea. Shocking.
Twinned with Madrid’s capitulation against Bayern, it’s obvious that Spanish football isn’t what it used to be which was also, it turns out, pretty average. Chelsea, on the other hand, are the next Barcelona. How could anyone have doubted them when they were losing every game and looked more like a catty netball team in February? It was obviously just a blip and they were simply taking stock before their spring attack on any cup competition that matters. Roberto Di Matteo is the new improved, broader wardrobed, smilier Guardiola (also past it) and will surely manage Chelsea for a very long time – or in other words, as long as John Terry says so.
Gary Neville has made a noise which has created a new word – ‘goalgasm’ – which is one of the most creative and clever terms ever penned (surely a little more thought and a little lass haste would have brought ‘scoregasm’). Meanwhile, his former team Manchester United are rubbish again. They have somehow let slip an 8 point lead and, after dozens of false dusks, this is definitely the end of the empire. The midfield needs 7 new players and the defence is messier than a spoilt spaniels arse. Roberto Mancini is laughing all the way back from the bank, where he has just withdrawn another £100m to buy Cavani, Llorente and Hazard because City are so desperately short of numbers in their squad. Rumour has it that City are also about to acquire Usain Bolt and Bubba Watson – just in case.