It’s been a crazy summer in the football world so far. In June the newspapers atypically decided not to hype up England’s chances of winning Euro 2012. For once, they were right. England ‘did an England’ and proved yet again that they simply can’t pass the ball. I’d rather be stuck in a lift with Sepp Blatter for 3 days than have to watch the Italy game again. Witnessing an overrated side completely dominate our lot was pitiful. We kid ourselves into thinking that this time will be different, but it’s always the same. I for one am boycotting the national team until they sort it out. Or get Kelly Smith in there to add some genuine quality.
Euro 2012 was swiftly followed by John Terry’s court appearance for, ‘allegedly’, racially abusing Anton Ferdinand. You have to take your hat off to Terry’s lawyers though. They must have sat up all night like tiny Tom Cruise in a courtroom drama. Pacing the floors of their rented, glass fronted condo trying to find a shred of evidence to suggest that the cockney scally was in some way innocent. Then, just as all hope seems to be lost, Cruise raises his weary head from the table and says ‘hang on a minute. Why don’t we just say that the cockney scally was simply copying what Ferdinand had said?’
You have to agree that, whatever the cost, the lawyers have earned their fees there. It doesn’t matter what he was paying them because they got him out of a seemingly impossible situation. Luis Suarez must be spitting feathers and googling ‘John Terry’s solicitors’ as we speak.
Just to rub the face of national pride in the mud a bit more, we now have to watch team GBR play football at the Olympics. I don’t know why we have to call them ‘Great Britain’. Can’t we call them something else and then claim them back if they start doing well? Haven’t we had enough football humiliation already this year? And whose idea was it to play Brazil in a friendly before the games have even started? You can just imagine the thought process:
Confidence is low. The team haven’t played together before. Stuart Pearce is the manager. And we aren’t that good at football anyway. Let’s organise a game with, historically, the best team in the world. And televise it.
I say roll on The Premier League, where the foreign imports can make the English players look good once again.
Meanwhile, we can all sit back and enjoy the Olympics. In Hyde Park last night Boris Johnson made a speech to the amassed crowd and said that he had ‘never seen anything like this’. Where has he been all his life? Has he never seen an outdoor concert or festival on the telly? Weirdo. Likeable weirdo.