‘Fantastic!’ I hear you all scream in chorus. ‘Another two week Premier League hiatus while England face off against some of the best teams in world football. Or, at least, some of the teams in world football.’
We understand, without liking, the need for international football. But why, oh why, must we have a two week international break in order to play San Marino and Estonia? Surely midweek games would still allow Roy Bogdejob time to train his players. At the same time real football fans could enjoy some real football either side, instead of feeling like they are on a two week crack detox.
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If the England team was worth watching, or even a little unpredictable, it would make these monthly fortnights of international football slightly more bearable (there’s yet another one in November).
But we all know what’s going to happen and that’s the most painfully boring part. England will beat San Marino 5-0 with five decent bits of play punctuating an otherwise typically disjointed performance while the commentators wax lyrical about how ‘you can only beat what’s put in front of you and England have done that handsomely’.
The Three Lions will roar to the top of their group, leaving the particularly foolish with false hope of impending glory, before ultimately whimpering to a shameful finish in EURO 2016 where they once again have their pants pulled down and bottoms spanked red raw by any team that can string more than two passes together.
At that point, Roy Bodgejob will quit England, two years, several million pounds and a dozen overly wordy faux pas too late, as we then embark on another excruciatingly boring qualification for the next World Cup.
So much to look forward to…
Here’s our strongest XI for the game. In truth, your nans could do a good job against this lot.
England (4-2-3-1): Hart, Baines, Cahill, Jagielka, Clyne – Henderson, Wilshere – Sterling, Rooney, Oxlade-Chamberlain – Welbeck
